Four years ago, the Snyder family lost 19-year-old Cory to suicide.
When asked to describe Cory, his mother Phyllis said, "He was extremely happy, very happy. We used to say he was probably the happiest person we ever knew. He had to deal with a lot. He was always bullied."
Cory was high functioning autistic who was content to spend time by himself, illustrating and playing video games.
His mother believes as he got older, he thought it would be too difficult to cope in an adult world.
"I think maybe in his mind, the world was so busy for him, maybe too busy," she said.
In 2005, Cory was going to college, and although Phyllis knew something was wrong, she didn't realize just how wrong.
"He was really struggling, and I knew that he wasn't really happy. And we had talked about it, and I said to him, 'Just get through this semester Cory.' And before the semester ended, that's when he ended his life. He didn't wait."
For his brother Lucas, Cory's suicide was a shock.
"I was, I think both of us were, completely oblivious to the whole thing. Like I said, I knew every single action, every though that was going through his head. I could read Cory like a book, and he could do the same to me. When he died, that was one of the first times ever that he fooled me. He tricked me. He didn't play a trick on me obviously, but that was the first time ever he slid something past me, and I had no idea it was coming," said Lucas.
There are questions that will never be answered.
Lucas said, "There's probably a lot of outside factors, things that contributed to it other than autism, other than other things that were going on that we'll never know about. But it's just one of the things that we live with." Phyllis continued that thought, "Daily. I think the other thing as he's talking. You forget a lot after the trauma you really do forget, and slowly as I hear other people talk, things come back. I always said to the boys every day it was very important I always told them how much I love them every day. One thing I used to do to Cory, he was so big, and I always used to put my hand on his chest like this and look up into his face and say I love you, you're my gentle bear. And towards that time, I remember at one point looking into his eyes and feeling something wasn't right. And I would say to him, is everything okay, and he would say yes, and even if it wasn't you would never think that your child is going to do this. That would be the last thing that you would think," Phyllis said tearfully.
It left a family grieving.
"I remember Rob (Cory's father) and I sat on this couch and we died. We truly died. I know what death feels like. You can't breathe, you are in excruciating pain, nothing anybody says makes you feel any better, and you've got to truly make yourself go to bed and get up in the morning. And if it wasn't for Lucas, I wouldn't get up and I know Rob wouldn't either," Phyllis told us.
Because as the Snyders can tell you, suicide leaves a wound that will never heal.
"He planned this in a way that he felt would not hurt us. Not realizing that it pretty much did destroy our lives," Phyllis continued.
Grief affects everyone differently. Cory's father Rob couldn't talk about it. It's still too painful, while Phyllis and Lucas speak to others about the horrific toll suicide takes.
Phyllis explains, "That's the problem with suicide. It's always been so hush-hush, a horrible thing. You know it's also about mental illness. For them it's all about just feeling like their life has spiraled out of control, and this is the easiest thing and the best thing for their family, and it's so not. And if anybody's thinking that, you can talk to us. And I tell the kids, no matter how bad it gets, it's always going to get better. You just have to hold on. There's always somebody there to listen to you.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
